When my students start talking about Vine and Snapchat
I’m all like:
I’m all like:
So I think I’m going to start blogging monthly. Well, try to anyways.
So, month 1 is almost done. And it wasn’t a great start either. It was a very rough first week for me. I think I was just exhausted. My energy level was way, way down. I cried pretty much everyday for four days. I was so depressed. Had serious thoughts of quitting. I think I couldn’t handle the whole 11 classes thing.. the whole classroom management thing.. and just the thought that I would be doing this until June. I lost my smile. I lost my energy. I was in a serious depression. Thoughts of hurting myself was in consideration just to get me out of this. I talked to at least 3 people at the school about my mood. It didn’t make the situation easier, but at least someone knew what I was going through.
The thing is I really do love teaching. But I’m not doing it to the best of my ability. That’s what hurts me. I told my admin this, and she said, “you won’t be doing the best you can do.” And that told me, then “why the hell am I still here?” That kind of helped me put it into perspective. I need to leave before this job kills me. I need a teaching load that is not as heavy. I mean come on seriously? Everyone is different. And that’s my other dilemma, am I just whining? One of the older teachers here said, “you just gotta suck it up.” And that’s what I’ve been trying to do. Take it a day at a time. It’s all anyone can do. Can’t be a quitter. Gets you no where.
The two weeks that followed the first week were tolerable. Maybe the kids just had a good week which made mine a little better.
But today, I had to deal with a kid. And it took something out of me. I feel sad again. I feel like I’m back in that sad first week bubble again. It’s probably cause it’s the end of month 1 and only nine more left to go.
I have to leave. I have to look out for my own well being. This will be my last year here. And that breaks my heart a little.
I feel like:
The teacher you want to be:
"I’m in charge of this class. I’m the warrior chief. I’m the merciless god of anything that stirs in my universe. You mess with me and you will suffer my wrath."
The teacher you actually are:
"Guys, guys… hey, guys… come on! Guys. Um. Knock it off. Don’t make me get the referral slips out. Um. Guys. Hey you, I’m talking up here. Knock. It. Off. If it happens again, um. Well. Don’t let it happen again. Okay, thank you."